all

So often
there comes a time.
I badly want to weep
but can’t.
Instead, I keep it safe, within.
Now, I am heavy
with the baggage of
every tear that I refused to shed
and every crushing feeling that caused them.

all that I have received.
The bitter and thorny.
I am told,
to move forward
I have to wipe the bitter out.
But how can I?

all also houses happy moments,
I was alive in.
Futile it is,
trying to erase,
it can only be,
when I allow both
the bitter and the happy
to be reduced to nothingness.

But I can’t do that,
the happy is precious.
all is blurred.
No experience ever clear, ever white or black,
always a color in tandem with another
filled my moments,
it still does so.

Now, I am heavy
with the baggage of
the enormous love and the unfathomable pain.
I weep and I weep.
It’s time to begin.

all makes me
who I am.